A week ago, Dad and I went to Swanston St Church of Christ to visit Sau, my ex-ocf parkville president from last year. My parents were from that church when they were in melbuni years ago..while it was my home church for a few months last year.

"as I rest against this cold hard wall, will You past me by"

As I sat down admist familiar surroundings, peering around, I saw faded pictures. A myriad of moments shared, faces of people and memories swept past me. I thought of God's goodness and grace that has seen me from that struggling young girl, to the person who I am right now. How He has brought me in all my weakness and disgrace to be a moulded fine-tuned and tweaked young lady after His heart.

"will You criticise me as I lay my head down to cry?"

As He does His work in my life and through my being, I'm seeing breakthroughs after breakthroughs.

I've always slept while praying, sighed when the Pastor says "close your eyes and bow your heads" and thought that prayer was just plain boring. But when I look back, I see the power of prayer. He has answered my prayers over the years. Sometimes it takes days, months but the basis is much needed perseverance and faith.

An apology I've waited for took 4 years. A conversation I've been hoping for took 7 months. Only God can change the hearts of those you pray and care for, isn't it?

"one day you'll understand, the meaning of it all"

It's difficult not to regret the shame of the past. One thing that Dr. Robin on the Oprah show said was that, when women lie about their age, they're discarding those years that they lived. The years that they are not claiming for their own happiness. And it's true. At the same time, when we shove 'bad' experiences under the carpet, we're not acknowledging God's power in our lives to turn those learning stumbles into jigsaw pieces of a beautiful puzzle, you.

"cos You are, strong enough. You are, pure enough. To break me pour me out, as I am"

The wheel turns a full circle. someone teaches you something, you in turn teach someone else the same something. Sometimes when you dont listen to God's whispers, you miss out on His teaching and learn it the hard way. Then you finally wake up and either, you can choose to blame yourself for the opportunities missed or, you can simply thank God that He disciplines those He loves.

"I come in a fine whisper. To guide, to lead, to love you just as you are"

Ps. Ken Li's sermon was on "Contentment" yesterday, a very apt message straight to the heart for the worship team. Interestingly, hy was also talking about it in her blog :) Since young, I've always expected alot from people. True enough to the chiding of my parents, I've learnt that the world does not owe me a living. And really, it doesn't.

As for now, I don't expect anything from anyone. I tell myself, the world will fail me. It's only natural. The people I love will betray me, the things I hold on to aren't all that important. I give so that I can receive the joy from the Lord when I do so. I love because I choose to live my life that way.

Many times, people don't do what you hope they'll do. It may be hurtful, but when you enter situations already prepared for the cold reality of life, then the letdown stays with them. It doesn't have the chance to enter your heart to stab you.


"Cos I know, how hard it can get, you gotta lift. Sometimes, that's how it is, but I know you're stronger, stronger than this. You gotta lift" - Shannon Noll, Lift.